Review: Rockstar Energy Drink

I'm beginning to wonder whether all energy drink manufacturers come together in order to standardize "energy drink taste" before rolling out a new product, or whether it's something in the taurine, ginseng, and guarana blend that makes them all taste essentially the same. Here, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I said before how I like the taste of Red Bull. While I was less thrilled with the various Monster products, I think Rockstar decided to lean more towards the Red Bull formula. Thus, I like the taste of Rockstar. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the taste, because generally it's hard to describe the taste of a thing without comparing it to something else ("buttery like butter!" "like a candy apple!" "a lot like eating an old dishrag!"). However, I will say it tastes...carbonated, for one (but only "lightly carbonated"). It's a little sugary, but not like drinking a bottle of Mountain Dew. Aside from that, it's just standard energy drink fare. I've created a short flowchart to decide if the taste of Rockstar is something you might like:

1) Have you ever had one of these types of energy drinks before?
          a) If no, then I can't help you. Maybe compare it to soda generally?
2) If yes, did you like the taste of that one (assuming it was the normal flavor, not some crazy alternate variation--I'm looking at Mountain Dew's monthly output of "special editions" here)?
          a) If no, then you won't like this one, I'm sorry.
3) If yes, then you'll probably enjoy this, it's pretty standard.

I hope that was helpful in deciding whether to purchase a Rockstar energy drink the next time you want a bunch of caffeine but don't want coffee. That's really all there is to it.

Verdict: 7/10.

Because that review was so unsatisfying, I thought I would take a moment to comment on the marketing strategies undertaken by all of these energy drink companies. They all seem to cater to extreme sports and guys with flat-billed hats and skater shoes. I suppose caffeine has been linked to increased performance while exercising (just don't overdo it and have your heart beating so fast it can't handle the actual workout), but I feel they may be overdoing it on the "extreme" side. The one area where I appreciate it is in motorsports, because I tend to be a fan. In that area, however, Red Bull seems to dominate, at least among the ones I watch. I suppose Monster and Rockstar sponsor rally events, but Red Bull appears in both NASCAR and Formula 1, even fielding a championship team in the latter. Maybe that's why I like Red Bull the best? Is their advertising subliminally affecting my enjoyment of the beverage? Whatever the case, I wonder what would happen if these energy drink manufacturers tried to go the route of the "Five Hour Energy" deals. The commercials for those "shots" tend to feature working adults who need a boost at the office, rather than a 16-year-old kid para-hangliding off of the side of Taipei 101 (yes, I fabricated that scenario). Does that strategy lead them to be more accepted by those same working adults? Or do they advertise to that demographic because the idea behind the product already appeals to them? I'm not sure which it is.

Review: Taco Bell's Doritos Locos Taco



Mmm



Heroes in a half shell!  Wait, that's Ninja Turtles.  Tacos in a half-Dorito shell!  Similar, but Michael Bay isn't trying to ruin the latter.  (Although, the Doritos Locos is like an explosion in my mouth - Michael Bay style - so again, similar enough.)

In case you haven't heard yet, the Doritos Locos taco is real, and it's exactly what it sounds like.  It is a regular Taco Bell taco supreme* (ground beef, lettuce, cheese, tomato*, sour cream*) in a shell coated in Doritos cheese-dust (original flavor, Nacho Cheese).  I guess it's "Locos" because it's so crazy of an idea!  And it rhymes!!

The taco itself is point number one in it's favor - it's a taco supreme (which I prefer), so you have a better basic taco to begin with, and also more flavors for the Doritos to interact with.  Particularly the 'smoothness' of the sour cream playing off the [slightly] tangy/'biting' cheese-dust.

As far as price goes?  It's not too bad I suppose.  Honestly I don't remember - I got it in the Doritos Locos 5 buck box - but let's be serious...this is Taco Bell, you can go in with $5 and dine like a king.

My biggest fear was that the Dorito taste would be too overpowering.  Fortunately, they managed to balance that out just right - the shell isn't exactly a Nacho Dorito chip.  Like I mentioned above, it has a "cheese-dust" on it that reflects a Dorito, but it's not quite as powerful.  [It's different than their volcano taco since the volcano is strong and spicy and your tastebuds are much more focused on that than the other ingredients of the taco.  It can be a little overwhelming.  (Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the volcano taco, too.)]  That's fortunate for two reasons.  One, you don't want it so strong that you think you're just eating Doritos as a side with your taco - ie, two strong and different flavors that don't mix.  You want the taste of Dorito to be a supplement to the taco, there to enhance your taco experience.  And it does.  And two, I think that the Doritos taste can be too much to handle in large quantities.  I can only eat so many Doritos before I start to feel a little queasy.  Fortunately, you can order multiples of this taco if you so desire: you'll be full due to the taco-ness well before your system would start rejecting the Dorito flavor.

All in all, this is a positive addition to the Taco Bell menu.  If you're a fan of Taco Bell in general, give it a shot.  Is this the end-all be-all of tacos?  No.  Is it a good addition to the Taco Bell line-up and your repertoire of go-to menu items?  Yes.  We'll see how long it lasts.

So there you have it, a quick overview of the Doritos Locos taco.  Recommended by myself and some random twitter-ers on the box/cup. 

Now your Taco Bell experience can be: Come for the Doritos Locos, stay for the food-to-price ratio (so good, so cheap!).  (Leave with the Taco Bell-exclusive Baja Blast Mountain Dew.)

And to let you know: as a basis for my review, I am grading it as a taco, as compared to other tacos / Taco Bell items.  Not as a stand alone food against every other edible out there, because surely it pales in comparison to steaks and pastas, etc.  (Well, I suppose that's dependent upon the level of a certain illicit drug in your system.)

So, to recap:
Positives: taco supreme, good taste / good flavor blend, not overwhelmingly Dorito-y, not too expensive. 
Negatives: I don't know...it has a tendency to break apart, but what hard taco doesn't?  And it gets your fingers cheesy.  I just don't like giving out perfect scores - sorry every professor I ever had.

Verdict: 8 out of 10

Review: Monster X-presso Hammer

After finding relative enjoyment in my last Monster beverage [read the review of Monster Java Loca Moca here], I decided to pick up a new coffee-themed Monster drink this morning. Actually, I didn't bring my coffee tumbler but I still wanted a caffeinated drink this morning, so I had to spend something like $3 instead of the 15 cents or whatever a single pot of coffee costs to make. Blame the high cost of living.

Monster X-presso Hammer

So what do I think of X-presso? Well I appreciate the slender can design, as it reminds me of my favorite energy drink, Red Bull. However, the taste is, well, like espresso (with foam--be aware that Monster X-presso has a very foamy texture) but with a little something extra. That something was also present in the Loca Moca I tried a few weeks ago, and I'm assuming that's the Monster, there to justify marketing this as a Monster product and not just another Starbucks Doubleshot. Whatever the case, it's decidedly out of place in an otherwise very coffee-y drink.

On the plus side, I was able to get used to the Monster taste after a few swigs, and by the time I was nearing the end of the can I could hardly tell it wasn't a Doubleshot. Whether that's good or not is up for debate, because if there isn't a distinction between the two, I'm betting most people will just grab the Starbucks.

Like other Monster beverages (and energy drinks on the whole), X-presso has a laundry list of vitamins and supplements on the back, many of which sound like rare tropical diseases. I'm also continually disappointed in how Monster refuses to print the caffeine content on their cans. If soda companies can do it on their standard products, I think a company peddling high-caffeine drinks should.

However, the distinction I just made may be the reason in itself--maybe Monster doesn't want us to be aware of how fast our hearts will be racing by the time we finish the can. Fittingly, Monster does print the following on the can: "CONSUME RESPONSIBLY - MAX 1 CAN EVERY 4 HOURS WITH LIMIT 3 CANS PER DAY." Is this a morning drink or a bottle of Tylenol? The can's warning continues: "NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN, PREGNANT WOMEN, OR PEOPLE SENSITIVE TO CAFFEINE." Well, if my heart isn't racing from the caffeine content itself, it sure gets going reading the CYA disclaimer on the back of the can. Admittedly, Monster may be responding to the litigious nature of our society, but the fact that such a response is thought to be necessary causes at least a little concern.

On the whole, I find Monster X-presso Hammer to be a decent espresso drink, though the odd hint of Monster flavor and the overly creamy texture leaves something to be desired. I would try it again, but I don't think it's worth the $3/can.

Verdict: 5/10

Review: Java Monster Loca Moca

I'm currently drinking a 15 fluid ounce can of Loca Moca Java Monster coffee + energy. Because we've recently started this blog about everything and nothing, I thought it would be appropriate to write up a short review of my feelings on the beverage. So here it is.

The lineup. Today's subject is right in the middle.

First, know that I am somewhat of an avid energy drink fan. I haven't had dozens of them and I don't drink two a day or anything, but I will occasionally indulge, and I tend to enjoy the taste of them. I particularly like Red Bull (not the sugar free kind), a drink which I've heard many people refer to as tasting like "cough syrup," so take my review of this Monster drink with whatever salt grains you like.

I also enjoy coffee, and usually don't put too many flavor-adjusters in it (a little milk or half and half, sometimes a packet of Splenda). The point is, while I think Starbucks' frappuccinos are delicious, I don't need to have candy-in-a-cup to enjoy my coffee.

Thus, when I picked out Java Monster Loca Moca, I wasn't sure what to expect. Normal Monster tastes decidedly "okay," somewhere in between Mountain Dew and medicine (I do see where people are coming from when they complain about energy drinks' taste). But Java Monster doesn't have any of the carbonated taste that typical energy drinks have. Unfortunately, as a mix between coffee and an energy drink, it is a jack of all trades (and hence a master of none). The coffee taste is muted, which may be good for those who don't particularly like coffee--but then, why would you choose an energy drink that is part coffee in the first place? I, however, found that the mix wasn't all too pleasing. It reminded me of Starbucks' frappuccinos you can buy at the grocery store, but the taste was a little off (that's the Monster in it, I'm sure). The other part--and this is more my own shortcoming than that of the drink--is that I'm not the biggest fan of the "moca" portion of Loca Moca. Perhaps "Mean Bean" or "Big Black" would have been more my speed? (Stay tuned.)

From an energy standpoint, Java Monster says it has "half the caffeine of regular coffee" but "[t]wice the Buzz." Apparently "buzz" is now a proper noun? I didn't see any sort of trademarking in their statement, so I guess it's not a proprietary statement, but we should be aware that Buzz is now more than just a state of being caffeinated, at least as far as Monster is concerned. But I digress. I did some quick research on Java Monster compared to coffee in order to check their statements, and they're pretty accurate. According to energyfiend.com, whose veracity I cannot verify, Java Monster contains 160mg of caffeine per 15oz can. Coffee of the same quantity contains an average of 270mg according to WolframAlpha. Thus, while it is not quite half the caffeine of coffee, but rather somewhat more than half, it does indeed contain less caffeine than a similar quantity of coffee.

The jury is still out on the amount of Buzz one can find in regular coffee.


Verdict: rent, don't buy.*


*Jokes, of course. I would give Loca Moca Java Monster a solid 5/10 with 10 being coffee-energy-drink heaven and 1 being actual cough syrup (well, Robitussin at least--have you tried that bilge?). In summary, it's something to try if you're a fan of Starbucks' grocery store offerings or need a little jolt but don't want to commit to a cup of hot coffee or some refreshing exercise. Just don't expect it to change your life.