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| The lineup. Today's subject is right in the middle. |
First, know that I am somewhat of an avid energy drink fan. I haven't had dozens of them and I don't drink two a day or anything, but I will occasionally indulge, and I tend to enjoy the taste of them. I particularly like Red Bull (not the sugar free kind), a drink which I've heard many people refer to as tasting like "cough syrup," so take my review of this Monster drink with whatever salt grains you like.
I also enjoy coffee, and usually don't put too many flavor-adjusters in it (a little milk or half and half, sometimes a packet of Splenda). The point is, while I think Starbucks' frappuccinos are delicious, I don't need to have candy-in-a-cup to enjoy my coffee.
Thus, when I picked out Java Monster Loca Moca, I wasn't sure what to expect. Normal Monster tastes decidedly "okay," somewhere in between Mountain Dew and medicine (I do see where people are coming from when they complain about energy drinks' taste). But Java Monster doesn't have any of the carbonated taste that typical energy drinks have. Unfortunately, as a mix between coffee and an energy drink, it is a jack of all trades (and hence a master of none). The coffee taste is muted, which may be good for those who don't particularly like coffee--but then, why would you choose an energy drink that is part coffee in the first place? I, however, found that the mix wasn't all too pleasing. It reminded me of Starbucks' frappuccinos you can buy at the grocery store, but the taste was a little off (that's the Monster in it, I'm sure). The other part--and this is more my own shortcoming than that of the drink--is that I'm not the biggest fan of the "moca" portion of Loca Moca. Perhaps "Mean Bean" or "Big Black" would have been more my speed? (Stay tuned.)
From an energy standpoint, Java Monster says it has "half the caffeine of regular coffee" but "[t]wice the Buzz." Apparently "buzz" is now a proper noun? I didn't see any sort of trademarking in their statement, so I guess it's not a proprietary statement, but we should be aware that Buzz is now more than just a state of being caffeinated, at least as far as Monster is concerned. But I digress. I did some quick research on Java Monster compared to coffee in order to check their statements, and they're pretty accurate. According to energyfiend.com, whose veracity I cannot verify, Java Monster contains 160mg of caffeine per 15oz can. Coffee of the same quantity contains an average of 270mg according to WolframAlpha. Thus, while it is not quite half the caffeine of coffee, but rather somewhat more than half, it does indeed contain less caffeine than a similar quantity of coffee.
The jury is still out on the amount of Buzz one can find in regular coffee.
Verdict: rent, don't buy.*
*Jokes, of course. I would give Loca Moca Java Monster a solid 5/10 with 10 being coffee-energy-drink heaven and 1 being actual cough syrup (well, Robitussin at least--have you tried that bilge?). In summary, it's something to try if you're a fan of Starbucks' grocery store offerings or need a little jolt but don't want to commit to a cup of hot coffee or some refreshing exercise. Just don't expect it to change your life.
Similarly, I feel I should announce my inexplicable enjoyment of Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Inexplicable because not only do I not like regular Mountain Dew, but many people accuse Baja Blast of tasting like fluoride. And I am one of those people. So I have no idea why I like it so much. Perhaps because it's only available at Taco Bell, and I love Taco Bell.
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