Review: Monster X-presso Hammer

After finding relative enjoyment in my last Monster beverage [read the review of Monster Java Loca Moca here], I decided to pick up a new coffee-themed Monster drink this morning. Actually, I didn't bring my coffee tumbler but I still wanted a caffeinated drink this morning, so I had to spend something like $3 instead of the 15 cents or whatever a single pot of coffee costs to make. Blame the high cost of living.

Monster X-presso Hammer

So what do I think of X-presso? Well I appreciate the slender can design, as it reminds me of my favorite energy drink, Red Bull. However, the taste is, well, like espresso (with foam--be aware that Monster X-presso has a very foamy texture) but with a little something extra. That something was also present in the Loca Moca I tried a few weeks ago, and I'm assuming that's the Monster, there to justify marketing this as a Monster product and not just another Starbucks Doubleshot. Whatever the case, it's decidedly out of place in an otherwise very coffee-y drink.

On the plus side, I was able to get used to the Monster taste after a few swigs, and by the time I was nearing the end of the can I could hardly tell it wasn't a Doubleshot. Whether that's good or not is up for debate, because if there isn't a distinction between the two, I'm betting most people will just grab the Starbucks.

Like other Monster beverages (and energy drinks on the whole), X-presso has a laundry list of vitamins and supplements on the back, many of which sound like rare tropical diseases. I'm also continually disappointed in how Monster refuses to print the caffeine content on their cans. If soda companies can do it on their standard products, I think a company peddling high-caffeine drinks should.

However, the distinction I just made may be the reason in itself--maybe Monster doesn't want us to be aware of how fast our hearts will be racing by the time we finish the can. Fittingly, Monster does print the following on the can: "CONSUME RESPONSIBLY - MAX 1 CAN EVERY 4 HOURS WITH LIMIT 3 CANS PER DAY." Is this a morning drink or a bottle of Tylenol? The can's warning continues: "NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN, PREGNANT WOMEN, OR PEOPLE SENSITIVE TO CAFFEINE." Well, if my heart isn't racing from the caffeine content itself, it sure gets going reading the CYA disclaimer on the back of the can. Admittedly, Monster may be responding to the litigious nature of our society, but the fact that such a response is thought to be necessary causes at least a little concern.

On the whole, I find Monster X-presso Hammer to be a decent espresso drink, though the odd hint of Monster flavor and the overly creamy texture leaves something to be desired. I would try it again, but I don't think it's worth the $3/can.

Verdict: 5/10