St. Procrastination's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day everybody!  Of all the holidays out there, this is definitely one of them.  So instead of boring you with a Wikipedia-rewrite of today's history, I'm going to talk about something more interesting.  And that topic is: procrastination!

I know you're expecting me to say, "So let's talk about procrastination...some other day."  And then ending the article.  I, too, had that initial thought.  However, I did not want to rob you of this fascinating, hopefully-educational post.  (Also, I've already been working on it staring at it for a few weeks now, so, self-fulfilling prophecy or something.)

Caption, to be determined

If you're wondering what procrastination means, but don't feel like looking it up...well, there you go.

Procrastination is putting off something until later.  "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?" is how the (twisted) saying goes.  The word is generally meant to have a negative connotation: it's being lazy, not taking initiative/action, dilly-dallying, avoiding responsibility, etc, etc.  However, for you cockeyed optimists, consider it a biological mechanism that allows us to truly prioritize our lives, and see what's really important to us - like video games and Pawn Stars reruns, as opposed to homework and job applications.

Of course, those aren't really what's most important, but we still choose to do these menial things over other, more truly important tasks.  There's a thousand reasons / excuses why we procrastinate.  Perhaps it's an internal fear of failure for that important task, or truly not knowing what to do / where to start, thus forcing yourself at a later date to make a decision because you have no time left.  No time to weigh this option versus that one, just choose.  Putting yourself in desperation / survival mode.  Or perhaps it's true laziness.

Sometimes it turns out alright, sometimes it doesn't.  And I'm not condoning procrastination, but I'm not going to castigate you for it either.  It's something we all do.  Just, some more so than others.  However, everyone who does procrastinate always realizes  - after the fact - that perhaps it wasn't the best decision that could've been made.  But hindsight is 20/20.  You want to learn from your mistakes.  You want to do better.  But you can't quite overcome that mental barrier, despite all your past failures and disappointments.

So are you doomed to procrastinate forever?

No!  Fear not, friends!  Over the years I have found a way to combat procrastination, and it doesn't require you to be any less lazy!  I know, at first it sounds akin to the diets/pills that allow you to (healthily) lose weight with no exercise, no nutritional guidelines, eating what you want / when you want, and no surgery.  But it's not, I promise.  I see it as something more similar to "the bigger they are, the harder they fall," or using your opponent's size against him.  Un/willingly forcing yourself to be more responsible.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, I'm talking about battling your procrastination...with more procrastination.

[Whoa, did you just feel that?  That was me rocking your world.]

Yes, the best way I've found to force myself to do something is to come up with another task I want to do even less.  Procrastinate something so much, that you actually have to do something to keep up the procrastination.  At first glance that may just sound like a quip, or a "surface-level" solution that actually holds no water upon further scrutiny.  However, it is a tried-and-true method for me.  For example, back in college, if I had to do laundry, I wouldn't be motivated to do so by the overflowing dirty clothes basket - simply pick that which smells less pungent.  Rather, I'd remind myself that I have a paper due in 3 days, and I should really be working on that.  I need to do research, type up an outline...nah...I really need to do laundry, I'll work on that paper later.  Boom!  Two hours later, laundry is done.

Now I know you're thinking, "OK, I guess that works for small tasks.  But eventually you'll run out of larger / more imposing tasks to put off as time goes on."  Well, that's the beauty of this system: it actually works "circularly" and not linearly.  You don't need a more daunting task to make you do a (relatively) smaller task - you can get the larger task done by procrastinating the smaller task(s).  It may take multiple smaller tasks combined to be imposing enough to force you to do the larger task, but it will work: "Gah, I really need to do laundry, but I really don't want to.  And I should finish that book and return it to the library.  And vacuum my room.  Oh yeah, I have that paper due in a few days that I could be working on..."  Bam!  Two days later, you finish your paper!  Admittedly, it was awkward going to the library to print it while wearing a Christmas sweater, swim trunks and your girlfriend's pink toe socks.  But the paper got done, and that's what's important here.

So there you are.  A method to help battle procrastination using the ammunition you already have.  So please, use this system to your advantage.  If there's something you really should be doing, but can't un-procrastinate quick enough, just start procrastinating a thousand other things, and somehow that first task will get done.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Congratulations!  You've made it to the end of the article - you are not a (complete) procrastinator!  To bring this post full-circle, seeing as how it is St. Patrick's Day, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you, "Who all seen da leprechaun, say yeeeaahhh."